In Praise of Contador

Much like his native Spain’s World Cup victory, Alberto Contador’s 2010 Tour de France wasn’t pretty or overpowering. However, it still produced the winning formula, and a ceremonial stroll down the Champs-Elysees to claim his third Tour de France is all that remains.

He will ride through the streets of Paris, drinking champagne and savoring the ultimate prize – one final yellow jersey ceremony. He won’t cross the line first, but it won’t matter. He has yet to claim a stage victory over the course of three grueling weeks (the first champion since 1990 to be shut out), but his dominance still shone through when it mattered most.

That ability to seize the moment when it came before him will surely be of comfort during future struggles; this was supposed to be a preordained win, yet his chances often seemed to rest on shakier footing than the cobblestones upon which he rode.

He struggled to a sluggish sixth-place finish in the opening prologue and then bled out time before reeling in 2009 runner-up Andy Schleck. Even his seizure of the yellow jersey left more questions than answers. His attack in stage 15 coincided with a Schleck mechanical error that Contador (perhaps rightly) claimed he never saw. He endured his fair share of criticism for the supposed breach of Tour etiquette, but few pointed out the minute of time that Contador lost when Schleck attacked in stage 3 with many of the favorites impeded by a crash pileup.

The eight seconds that separated them set the stage for the most significant stage of the Tour, a torturous “Beyond Category” climb up the Col du Tourmalet in stage 17. Schleck all but conceded beforehand that he would need to take back the yellow jersey plus a minute of cushion to fend off Contador in the time trial of the Tour’s penultimate stage.

The five-hour long stage featured more foreplay and time killing than “The Decision,” but unlike LeBron’s snoozefest, the last hour produced some of the most compelling drama in the race’s 97-year history.

With roughly six miles to go, Schleck made his move, driving forward and bringing Contador with him up the misty mountaintop. The scene was nearly primal – no barriers to contain the masses of costumed fans who crept dangerously close to the pair as they churned onward. Flags waved, horns honked, voices screamed and the fog grew so thick that it forced cameramen to repeatedly wipe their lenses. If ever there was a place to decide a championship, this was it.

Contador didn’t need to win, but he couldn’t afford to be dropped. Schleck, on the other hand, was in go-for-broke mode, emptying his arsenal in an attempt to crack the defending champion and leave him broken on the mountainside.

For ages they stayed together, Schleck surging forward and varying the pace. At one point, Contador attacked, but it was more speculative than aggressive. After Schleck quickly chased him down, the Spaniard seemed content to sit on his foe’s wheel for the remainder of the ascent.

And so they arrived at the summit, locked together, a victory for Contador and a huge blow to his challenger. Contador, in a show of sportsmanship, allowed Schleck to take the stage win, perhaps as an apology for the incident that occurred only days before. It was a sporting gesture, and certainly repayment enough.

Just as suspected, Contador dug further into the lead in Saturday’s time trial, gaining 21 seconds on Schleck and locking up his third title.

Sunday’s ride will be a coronation that will offer up an unspoken challenge to the sport’s gold standard: Armstrong’s seven titles.

Contador is 27 years old and just now hitting his stride, three Tours in hand. For some perspective, Armstrong won his first at age 28. From 2007 to present, he has entered five Grand Tours – three Tours de France, one Giro d’Italia and one Vuelta a Espana.

He won them all.

Armstrong, meanwhile, owes his former teammate an apology. He spent the 2009 Tour whining like a petulant schoolchild, had Contador carry him to a third-place finish, and then pulled the stunt of stunts to form his own team.

Where’s Lance?

40 minutes back. One year removed from a spot on the podium.

Cycling is a sport increasingly prone to… cycles. Indurain won five Tours, as did Merckx, Hinault, and Anquetil. Armstrong won seven. And now Contador has won three.

That kernel of knowledge lives in Andy Schleck, and will surely haunt his dreams. For every Affirmed, winner of the 1978 Triple Crown, there is an Alydar, who finished second in all three races by a combined margin of less than three lengths. For every Lance Armstrong, there is a Jan Ullrich, who owns five second-place finishes in the Tour.

This was Contador at his weakest, and he still found a way to haul himself up the mountains and grind through the time trials. He did it when it mattered.

Can he get eight?

Don’t bet against it.

Oranje Crush

I love the Dutch.

There’s really no other way to put it.

As an American soccer fan, it’s almost unquestioned that there has to be a second team. One day, that won’t be the case. But for now, somebody has to fill the gap each time our collection of futbol neophytes is excused from competition in yet another painstaking fashion.

In times past, those teams have been Mexico (for their passion) and Italy (for their brilliance in finding ways to win). And while I’ve been as devoted as any polygamist could be to his second wife, there have been numerous realizations that seem to cool the flames of fandom rather than stoke them. Namely, in the case of Mexico, the facts that their fans love to throw cups and bags full of urine and vomit on American players. During the game. Or, in Italy’s case, the fact that they seem hell-bent on turning The Beautiful Game into a diving competition. Put any of those 10 field players on springboard in London two years from now and we’ll be cueing up the Italian national anthem after they take the gold medal.

In short, the second marriage has been… lacking.

I am the world’s worst cheater.

Enter the Dutch – with their ostentatious color scheme, remarkable fans, beautiful soccer, fantastic nicknames and general all-around sexiness.

I’m smitten.

Start with the orange – or oranje, I should say. The color is beautiful to behold en masse. It’s garish and jolting. My first experience with it came from the Winter Olympics years ago. The Dutch clearly drew the short straw when sporting dominance was being distributed. America got baseball, Brazil got soccer, India got cricket, New Zealand got rugby, Canada got hockey. The Dutch have long track speed skating. Bless them. But there they were in Nagano, Japan, filling the entire arena in a giant orange wave, blowing horns (no, not those), waving flags, and generally raising hell that should never be raised in such a venue, especially more than 5,000 miles away from the motherland.

That particular party was thrown to watch competitors skate 25 laps on an icy track, two at a time. Imagine a soccer game on the world’s biggest stage, in a place that they used to own. (No, really, look it up. They owned Cape Town. Sore subject there.) It’s wild, to say the least. They’re the fun of Brazil minus the Samba, Mexico minus the piss balloons, England minus the bitching and moaning. Paaaaaarty.

And then there’s the nicknames, an infinite array of possibilities. The simple Oranje, the Americanized Orange Crush, Orange Alert and Clockwork Orange. The Flying Dutchmen. There are the cheers – “Hup Hup!” It’s all beautiful. The player names are equally glorious, with more vans than a pedophile convention. Van Bronckhorst. Van der Vaart. Van Persie. Van de Wiel. On and on… wonderful.

Lastly, the on-field product has an interesting – baffling, really – history. The Netherlands showed up at the second and third World Cups (ready to party, no doubt) and didn’t make it out of the first round either time. From there, they missed out on the next six tournaments, until the mid-1970s, when they played the best soccer anyone has played in the history of the game. Total Football, as it was called, relied on the 10 field players (minus the keeper) being able to rotate to any position at any point in the game. The Dutch mastered it, and in today’s world of specialization, nobody will ever play it as well as they did during those years. Unfortunately, they ran into the dirty little secret of the World Cup – the home team wins. In 1974 and 1978, they lost in the finals to the hosts – West Germany first, Argentina second. They promptly fell back off the face of the Earth, failing to qualify for the next two editions.

However, they are currently in a revival of the glory days, having made the semi-finals in 1998 and the knockout stage in 2006. They deserve the star above the crest that comes with World Cup glory more than any other country without one. If they beat Spain, they’ll be the first team in the history of the Cup to make it through seven games undefeated and untied. It will be a monumental achievement.

Nike began the Cup with a Write Your Story advertising campaign. It featured their star teams and players – Brazil (bounced by the Dutch), Ronaldinho (didn’t make the team), Ronaldo (one goal), Rooney (goalless). The Dutch are a Nike team. Nothing. Not one second in a three-minute commercial.

Here’s hoping they write their story today.

Tomorrow’s headline – Hup, Hup Hooray!

Power Rankings - Round of 16

THE CONTENDERS

1. Argentina – Unquestionably the class of the tournament thus far. Even more intriguing considering their coach leaves them susceptible to a world-class meltdown at any moment, but that’s not been the case in South Africa.

2. Brazil – It’s not the visually intoxicating style and flair that we’ve been accustomed to, but Dunga’s defensive-minded squad gets results.

3. Spain – A wretched start defined by missed chances, but the favorites rebounded to take back two wins in impressive fashion.

ALSO LURKING

4. Netherlands – The scoring isn’t there, but the results are. Major test will come with Brazil lurking in the quarterfinals, but can’t afford to look past Slovakia just yet.

5. Germany – Their road is not the easiest, but their solid play could provide the winning counter to England and Argentina’s inconsistencies. We’ll need to see more of the squad that routed Australia if they’re going to make another deep run.

6. Uruguay – One of two teams to not allow a goal in their first three games. They have a great path to the semifinals, and with a defense capable of stalling any offense until penalty kicks if necessary, anything can happen from there.

DARK HORSES

7. United States – With an ideal path to the semis, this could be uncharted territory for the Americans. Something about this squad seems special, though, and a top-four finish isn’t out of the question at this point.

8. Portugal – I’m not sold on them, despite that walloping they handed to North Korea. Too much of the awful soccer they played in the matches that sandwiched their win.

9. England – Didn’t look too good in their first three games, but managed to get a result that averted the apocalypse. Their matchup against the Germans could be an all-time classic if both sides play to their potential.

10. Mexico – Extremely unfortunate to draw Argentina in this round for the second straight World Cup. However, it took the goal of the tournament in 2006 to get rid of the Mexicans, and they could very well be up to the task Sunday.

11. Paraguay – Winners of the shoddiest group in the tourney, but they did what they had to do to advance. Hard to count out any of the South Americans after the way they dominated the group stage.

PACK YOUR BAGS

12. South Korea – Impressive play to finish off Nigeria, but I can’t see them beating an extremely strong South American side in Uruguay.

13. Chile – Might have played their way out of the tournament with a dreadful result against Spain. The loss relegated them to a faceoff against Brazil and a discipline meltdown means that they’ll be playing without three starters.

14. Japan – Keisuke Honda has been one of the better stories of the tournament, and Japan takes set pieces as well as anyone. Could end up in the quarterfinals, but that’s a best-case scenario.

15. Ghana – The Great African Hope will need an offensive spark to beat the United States. Two goals in three games, both coming from penalty kicks.

16. Slovakia – Their one contribution to the knockout stage will be the absence of those diving Italians. Thanks for playing, boys.

Five thoughts - Knocked Out edition

No more ties…

Soccer haters, rejoice! The World Cup has reached the bracket-style, knockout phase of the tournament. From this moment forward, all games will have a winner. The sudden-death golden goal format was abandoned in 2002 in favor of two mandatory 15-minute overtime periods, but excitement still lives in the form of penalty kicks. Well, unless you’re from England. The Three Lions have been excused from the World Cup in 1990, 1998, and 2006 after losing on penalties.

Spain won when it counted…

Their stay in South Africa couldn’t have gotten off to a rockier start and looked to be much shorter than anyone imagined after a loss to Switzerland. However, the reigning champions of Europe kept their cool with a clinical wins over Honduras and 10-man Chile. Those victories, couple with a Swiss choke against Honduras, put Spain at the top of Group H. Instead of having to run the gauntlet against Brazil/Netherlands, Spain will face off against Portugal in a battle of Iberian supremacy.

Chile had a discipline nightmare…

Honestly, perhaps the problem was their tournament-leading nine yellow cards against Switzerland. That disgrace led to Friday’s bloodbath in which only three people were shown cards but all three earned suspensions for the next game against Brazil. Perhaps they should take a lesson from the Spanish. While Chile leads the Cup with 12 yellow cards, Spain has amazingly not been booked a single time in three games.

Switzerland couldn’t do what it took…

To quote John Candy in Cool Runnings (a wordsmith, for sure): “It was there for the taking, and you choked.” There’s no better way to describe a Swiss side that notched a goal against Spain but couldn’t find the back of the net against Honduras, of all teams. A convincing win – anything more than a goal, really – would have been enough to extend their stay, but they never came close. If anything, Honduras is the team finding itself ruing missed chances in that contest. Typical Switzerland.

South America gets the clean sweep…

Five South American teams qualified for South Africa and all five are through to the knockout stage after an extremely impressive performance that saw them lose only one of 15 group matches (the aforementioned Chilean nightmare). Europe, by contrast, advanced six teams out of a possible 13. A Chile-Brazil matchup will guarantee an end to South America’s perfect stay, but the continent could still manage three teams in the semifinals.

Five thoughts - Arrivederci, Italia! edition

1. Italy deserved what they got…

Italy was getting old in 2006 when they became champions. In 2008, they were on their last legs. And yet, in 2010, Marcello Lippi acted as if he’d found the fountain of youth, stubbornly sticking with the same squad that wasn’t getting any younger. Of the 11 players on the field today, five were born before 1980. Their failure to develop a suitable backup for 32-year-old Gianliugi Buffon will haunt them. Backup Federico Marchetti became the first Italy goalkeeper to give up three goals in a World Cup game since 1970, when the Italians coughed up four against a Brazil team widely considered to be one of the greatest teams ever.

The inability to restock a roster coming off World Cup glory has been a problem in recent years. After winning in 1998, France finished at the bottom of its group in 2002 while failing to score a single goal. Brazil’s letdown after its 2002 title wasn’t nearly as great, but the team’s quarterfinal loss marked its earliest exit since 1990. This year, however, takes the cake. For the first time in the tournament’s history, both the defending champion and runner-up failed to make it out of the group stage.

2. Party like it’s 2002…

Both Japan and South Korea were relative newcomers to the game when they were selected to host the Cup in 2002. Neither had ever cracked the knockout round previously. However, both were able to avoid South Africa’s misfortune; in fact, both teams won their respective groups. The Koreans in particular were a revelation, advancing all the way to the semifinals en route to a fourth-place finish at home. Neither team was able to repeat its luck in 2006, but they’ve both bounced back to grab spots in the Round of 16 once more. In total, it looks as though nine teams that survived the group stage in 2002 will be back for more in 2010. That list includes two more teams that weren’t around at this point in the 2006 Cup – Paraguay and the United States.

3. New Zealand proved they belong…

The fact that the All-Whites got to a point where simply scoring a goal in their final match would have won them the group that included the defending champions is nothing short of miraculous. Ultimately, they couldn’t eek out one last miracle and instead settled for their third draw (and point) of the tournament. That being said, it’s still impressive that a squad generously listed at 1500-1 odds to win the World Cup went three games without a loss and finished above Italy in the group standings. It will probably cost them their coach, though. Ricki Herbert, who makes only $50,000 (as opposed to Fabio Capellos $6,000,000+ salary), will surely be off to a much more lucrative club job that won’t allow him to coach the national team as well.

4. North Korea and Honduras might get it bad Friday…

The communist whipping boys of Group G are going to the wrong place if they’re looking for compassion in the wake of a 7-goal thrashing at the hands of Portugal. Ivory Coast will need to match that number, if not more, in order to advance over Ronaldo and co. on goal differential. It’s no guarantee that they’ll be nearly as effective, but they’ll certainly be doing everything in their power to score goals at the expense of the North Koreans.

Honduras is a similar story. Switzerland might need to pile it on in order to ensure advancement in a scenario that could see Spain, Switzerland, and Chile tied with Spain and Switzerland wins. That would leave three teams tied for two spots, and the Swiss have the easiest route to the top in facing the punchless Hondurans. It’s a cruel world, but goals are the currency of advancement at the World Cup.

5. We’ll see who wants it most when it counts…

Brazil and Portugal face off to determine the winner of Group G. It’ll be interesting to see if Portugal plays for the win that would give them the group title or is content to sit back and play for a tie that would guarantee the knockout stage. It would take a big loss to bring elimination into play, so they’re probably fine in that regard. If the two sides come out with guns blazing, it’ll be a great indicator of where the teams stand heading into the final phase of the tournament.

The other crucial match involves Spain and Chile. Spain should be a favorite to win, but Chile has played the best soccer of the group so far. A Chilean victory would likely do the unthinkable, knocking out the pre-tournament favorites in the early stages and adding Spain to the list of Euro heartbreak along with France and Italy.

Five thoughts - Landycakes scores! edition

1. The Americans find a way…

It’s not the biggest win in USA soccer history, but it’s close. Unlike the Nigerians, who seemed to throw away chances at every possible opportunity, the Yanks have found a way to advance at the top of Group C despite having two legitimate goals disallowed in the past two games. The never-say-die attitude of this team can be summed up in one stat: Over the course of three games, the United States had a lead for a grand total of two minutes. The previous low for a team that won its group was 21 minutes, but this one will be impossible to top.

It is truly fitting that the goal came from Landon Donovan, who we can now say is truly the face of American soccer and the best to ever wear the colors. He (deservingly) bore the burden of the blame for the 2006 disgrace, so it’s only fair that he get the credit for two of the more important goals in America’s World Cup history. The goal against Slovenia that pulled the U.S. from the brink of elimination was pure quality, but his stoppage-time winner against Algeria is one for the ages.

Bob Bradley has been great for his players so far. With so many teams in disarray or dissension, the United States has looked remarkably poised, confident and unified. Despite a defense that can’t go 10 minutes to start a match without giving up a golden opportunity, his side has never panicked, and his substitutions in each game have been remarkably sage. Most soccer fans will admit to not always understanding or agreeing with his decisions, but he’s proved that in big tournaments he can coach against the best.

2. USA will never have an easier road to the semis…

Who would you rather face to get to the semifinals, Ghana and Uruguay or Germany and Argentina? This route is the best possible scenario to befall the Americans short of Australia advancing from Group D, which was never a true possibility after a 4-0 thrashing. Neither team will be easy to beat, as is the case this late in the tourney, but they also won’t be the powerhouses lurking elsewhere in the bracket.

Ghana is an interesting matchup. What first comes to mind is the possibility of revenge for the group stage finale in 2006 that saw Ghana defeat USA to advance and send the Americans home winless. The winning goal came on a controversial penalty kick awarded just before the half. It looks like more of the same in 2010, as Ghana’s two goals have both come from the penalty spot. While this could be good news for a shaky USA back line, keep in mind that the Yanks have already been shattered twice by incomprehensible officiating decisions. With Ghana now representing the Great African Hope, it will be up to the US players to ensure they stay clear of seeing red in this match.

3. England-Germany will be the biggest matchup so far…

This could change if Spain finishes second in Group H and has to face Brazil, but right now England-Germany looks to be the class of the knockout round. Germany demonstrated its capabilities in a convincing opening win that featured a four-goal outburst. The Three Lions, by contrast, have yet to play their best soccer. It’s no secret that there’s no love lost between the two teams and countries (something about a war?), and England’s sole World Cup win came at the expense of the Germans. As an added bonus, both squads will be near full strength as Germany avoided any knockout-round suspensions despite five players carrying yellow cards into their final group match.

4. Africa can breathe easy now…

South Africa had to suffer the indignity of becoming the first host country to bow out in the opening round. Cameroon failed to match expectations when they were the first team bounced from the tournament. Ivory Coast never recovered from a devastating injury that left superstar Didier Drogba a shell of his dominant self. Nigeria self destructed in every possible way. Algeria failed to score a goal and are currently on the second-longest goal drought in World Cup history. Egypt, the continent’s best team, suffered a nightmare stretch in qualifying that left them out of the competition entirely. But none of that matters now. Ghana rose up and snatched a spot in the final 16, ensuring that an entire continent wouldn’t be left barren in the tournament’s most meaningful stages.

5. Burnt out? Tomorrow’s the day to fix that…

Tired of watching soccer all day, every day? Stop. For one day only. It’ll be for your own good. Thursday’s matchups are a horror slate in terms of entertainment value. For one, two of the matches feature Group F teams, which means they will in no way be entertaining, or even watchable, unless New Zealand scores early and tries to hang on to advance. The afternoon matches? Denmark-Japan should be called Battle of the Bleh, and the Netherlands has no need to exert itself against already-eliminated Cameroon considering they’ve clinched advancement and essentially the group as well. My advice? If you’re feeling the affects of consuming 40 matches in 13 days, just skip ‘em all and rest up for Brazil-Portugal and Spain-Chile on Friday, followed by United States and Ghana on Saturday.

Five thoughts - French Toast edition

1. Argentina is the best team in the world right now…

There are only three teams left who can still take the full nine points and equal Argentina’s flawless group stage performance. However, it’s really inconceivable that any can do so in such a dominating fashion as Maradona’s bunch. To coast to three consecutive wins is one thing – to do so with the best player in the world yet to score a goal is a thought that will keep opponents from sleeping at night.

A quick portrait of utter domination: According to Opta Sports, Argentina’s 82% time of possession against the Greeks was highest since the 1966 World Cup. Juan Sebastian Veron was both the architect and illustration of this one-sided romp, making an unheard-of 153 passes, also a post-1966 record. On the other side of the pitch was futility incarnate. Greece, a side in desperate need of a win (and therefore, goals) became the first team in this World Cup to be held without a shot in a half.

2. Nigeria has nobody but itself to blame…

If you didn’t know better, you’d think the Super Eagles had money against themselves in this tournament. Their inconsolable faces, however, told a different story – one a team that blew two 1-0 leads, earned a red card that cost them a game, and missed a shot into an open net from three yards out that would have rendered those other failures immaterial and started one of the biggest sport-induced parties a continent had ever seen.

Instead, after coughing up its second 1-0 early lead of the tournament, Yakubu Ayegbeni found himself simply needing to touch a ball into the net to level the score at two. His deflection wide was the howler of the tournament, a golden opportunity that even Peg Leg Pete couldn’t have squandered as poorly. Only minutes later, he earned a small level of redemption by converting a penalty kick to bring the score to 2-2, but it should have been the winner that sent Nigeria into the Round of 16.

3. South Africa can hold its head high…

Today simply confirmed what we all knew was coming – Bafana Bafana became the first host country to be eliminated in the group stage, a feat even more shocking upon realizing that even the United States escaped this sordid fate as hosts in 1994. Yes, it’s unfortunate, but it’s also the fate they accepted the day FIFA chose their bid – with their world ranking usually closer to 100 than 50.

They opened the scoring in Africa’s first Cup with a goal for the ages against Mexico, nearly pulling off an incredible upset before settling for an unexpected tie. Overpowered by a much stronger Uruguay team, they never gave up and finished as proud victors over a French squad in ruins.

Their only fault lies in their unfailing love for the worst sound ever created. BZZZZZZZZZZ.

4. But the French should hang theirs in shame…

The French picked up where they left off in the 2006 Cup – at least in terms of disgrace. The indelible image of that final will always be Zinedane Zidane trudging past the FIFA World Cup Trophy on his way to the locker room after The Headbutt.

The signs were there, especially after a 1-0 loss to China in a recent friendly. But nobody could have fully anticipated the havoc wreaked upon the French soccer program during the past two weeks. Two games came, zero goals went. Nicolas Anelka was sent home for calling (soon to be former) manager Ray Domenech “the son of a whore” at halftime of a 2-0 loss to Mexico. Soon thereafter, a training ground dispute ended with the team refusing to practice. That led to the exclusion of four mainstays from the South Africa starting lineup, including captain Patrice Evra. Ultimately, the humiliation was complete after a first-half red card kick-started a 2-1 win for the hosts and left the 2006 runners-up at the bottom of the standings in Group A.

5. Anything can happen tomorrow…

Tuesday’s matches saw Uruguay and Mexico virtually assured of qualifying in Group A and Argentina almost guaranteed to win Group B. Not Wednesday. With no clear leaders in Groups C and D, almost anything can happen. It’s not unrealistic to imagine Algeria – one of two teams yet to score a goal – advance with a win and a Slovakia win against England. Each of Slovakia, England, and the United States control their own destiny and can finish in the top two with a win Wednesday. The idea situation for the Americans would be a win coupled with an England win, securing first place an likely avoiding a game against Germany.

The Germans are still in good shape despite a shock defeat to Serbia in their second game. Their strong goal differential likely puts them in position to claim first with a win over Ghana, even if Serbia defeats Australia. Just as in Group C, the three best teams each need only a win to advance, while cellar dwellars Australia would most likely need a win while also avoiding a tie between Ghana and Germany. With no clear-cut favorites, it should be an entertaining four games, especially considering England and Germany are far closer to joining France in elimination than they possibly could have fathomed.

Five thoughts - Yep, I'm really that stupid edition

1. My predictions are not to be trusted…

Portugal’s offense, which I derided yesterday while saying a North Korea win wouldn’t be a shock, was “anemic” to the tune of seven goals – six of which came in the second half. The offensive outburst featured more goals in the last 45 minutes than any other team has scored in their two games combined so far. In fairness, my criticism of the Portuguese wasn’t completely off base. Coming into the match, wonderboy Christiano Ronaldo had scored only one goal for his country in the past two years, coming in a friendly against Finland. More importantly, they’ve occasionally struggled against vastly inferior teams, as evidenced by scoreless ties against Estonia (No. 99 in the world) and Albania (79) over the past two years, and Cape Verde Islands (114) as recently as last month.

2. Spain’s lack of a killer instinct may cost them dearly…

As callous as it may sound, I can’t believe the pre-tournament favorites didn’t take a lesson from their peninsular brethren and spend the second half pouring in goals against the powerless Hondurans. Even taking the missed penalty into account, Spain was well capable of making that match 5-0, but backed off for whatever reason. As I’ve written time and time again, goal differential is the first tiebreaker, and when you’ve just dropped your first game, you take every advantage you can get. It’s really incomprehensible that in a World Cup bereft of goals so far, a team would pass up a chance at a 4-0 margin. Right now, they’re only one goal ahead of Switzerland. A win against Chile will vault them past the South Americans on goal differential, but the Swiss will only need a two or three goal win against Honduras to take the group and banishing the Spanish to a Round of 16 matchup against Brazil, bringing their Cup to a quick end.

3. Africa looks doomed at the moment…

What was supposed to be a month-long celebration of a continent is turning into a nightmare for the six African teams and their fans. Cameroon, owners of Africa’s most prized result – a quarterfinal trip in 1990 – were the first to be bounced after losses to underwhelming Japan and Denmark. Ivory Coast is facing almost certain elimination at the moment in the face of a nine-goal deficit in their tiebreaker scenario with the Portuguese. The Algerians need not only a win against the United States, but also help in the second game, a daunting obstacle for a team yet to find the back of the net. The hosts are similarly buried, needing a monster win over France coupled with a big loss by either Uruguay or Mexico. Nigeria can advance through Group B, but will need a win against Korea couple with an Argentina win against Greece. Their best hope lies solely in the hands of Ghana, who face one of the most explosive teams of the tournament in Germany and will likely need some help from the Australians against Serbia if they can’t grab the full three points against the Germans, which seems unlikely at the moment. So right now, we’re most likely looking at an Africa-free Round of 16, a heartbreaking outcome if it comes to pass.

4. Tomorrow’s the day…

Starting Tuesday, the field of 16 will begin to take shape as the opening round comes to an end two groups at a time. Both matches in a given group are played at the same time to prevent any forms of collusion as much as possible. For example, all four teams in Group A will play their third match at 10:00 am EST on Tuesday and the same will happen for Group B at 2:30 EST. From here on out, the tournament takes on a do-or-die mentality that will likely open up play even more (goals have gone up by more than one per game from the first to second set of games).

5. Discipline is more important than ever this week…

Teams advancing to the next round will have to be extremely cautious in their final matches because any player picking up a second yellow card for the tournament in the last group match will have to miss the Round of 16 match. Players whose teams can’t afford for them to get cautioned for the second time, and therefore suspended, include Robin van Persie, Christinao Ronaldo, Phillip Lahm, Steven Gerrard, and any of the United States back line whose suspension could result in the appearance of Jonathan Bornstein. Once the knockout stage begins, yellow/red card totals are wiped clean and begin anew at zero under the same rules.

Five thoughts - Gold medal in diving edition

1. The Kiwis have more fight than anyone could have expected…

New Zealand, a team I killed yesterday (and rightfully so) for being really bad at soccer, earned their second point of the tournament – this time against the world champs. While their goal came on an offsides that wasn’t called, the goal scored against them was equally unjust (more on this in a bit). Their ability to hold off the azzurri for the entirety of the second half will go down as one of the most heroic efforts in this World Cup, and without a doubt the most shocking result.

2. The Italians are an embarrassment to the sport…

Harsh, but there’s no other way to put it. The dives need to stop. Referees have been instructed time and time again to caution for simulation, and yet I’ve seen very few cases of that foul being called so far. Danielle De Rossi’s dive Sunday to win a penalty kick was shameful. On a less preachy note, it would probably help just from the standpoint of needing to establish a flow throughout the game. The constant stoppages have been a hindrance to their pace of play in the first two games.

3. Tomorrow is a big day for Chile…

The Chileans looked spectacular in their debut against Honduras, controlling the entire match and earning a 1-0 victory that looked extremely flattery to the Hondurans. However, it wasn’t long before the Swiss shock defeat of Spain put a big dent in Chile’s chances of advancement. Tomorrow is a must-win in terms of getting three points at the expense of Switzerland, and they might still need a positive result against Spain in order to survive.

4. South America continues to dominate…

Two South American teams played Sunday and both came away with wins that put them in prime position. Paraguay rebounded from its 1-1 draw against the Italians by beating Slovakia, 2-0. A win against the feisty All-Whites from New Zealand will vault them into the Round of 16 as the winners of Group F. Brazil easily dispatched the Ivory Coast to clinch a spot in the knockout stage. They’ll be without star Kaka in game three, however, after he was sent off for his second yellow card on the day.

5. While Europe continues to flounder…

I’ve already touched on the struggles of Germany, England and Spain, and the French are their own special story. Well, you can add the Italians to that list after today’s episode, and perhaps Portugal as well tomorrow if they don’t get a win against North Korea side that proved extremely tough against Brazil. That game has a shock 1-0 defeat for Ronaldo and co. written all over it if Portugal continues to be haunted by an anemic offense.

Five thoughts - Group F haters edition

1. Germany can breathe much easier now…

The Germans looked like they were in serious trouble after Friday’s loss because Ghana had a game in hand against a side many considered to be the worst in the tournament. Those views weren’t unwarranted considering Australia was humiliated in its first match and its best player was sent off, making him unavailable against the Black Stars. A Ghana win would vault them to the top with six points and leave Germany tied for second with three points but facing a tougher last-match opponent.

Unfortunately for the Africans, almost nothing went well for them today as they struggled to a 1-1 tie that put them on much shakier footing in the group stage. Instead of needing help, Germany can win the group with a win over Ghana and has the benefit of a +3 goal differential thanks to their thrashing of the Aussies that will almost assuredly win them any tiebreakers.

2. Group F is the definition of boring…

I can’t imagine anyone waking up early to watch this horror of a group. The Italians are essentially the same squad that hoisted the trophy in Germany, except four years older and that much worse for the wear. Plus, they spend so much time falling to the ground it looks like the match is being played with a sniper in the stands. Slovakia is actually the same team as Slovenia and Serbia but with different uniforms. They accomplished a real feat in their opener, drawing with a team whose sole goal is to not be the worst-ever World Cup team. Paraguay has actually accomplished less in its illustrious World Cup history than the United States (no, really). I guess that’s what you get when you run around dressed like cotton candy vendors. And lastly (how appropriate) is New Zealand, the aforementioned team whose expectations are so low the bar is actually below ground.

3. South America could see all five countries advance…

I won’t even bother discussing Brazil and Argentina for obvious reasons. Uruguay delivered a commanding performance against South Africa, leaving Bafana Bafana in tatters after a 3-0 romp. They’ll win Group A if they beat or tie Mexico in their group stage finale. Paraguay is currently in a four-way tie for first in Group F with 1 point, but has their toughest game out of the way and just needs to handle business against New Zealand to gain a leg up on the Slovakians. Chile might have suffered a heartbreaker with Spain’s loss to Switzerland. They dominated Honduras with a rarely seen 70% possession rate but couldn’t afford to see Spain gift three points to their competition in the fight to advance. It’s pretty easy to imagine the Swiss getting to six points against Honduras (although I said that about Ghana, and look what happened), meaning that it will come down to either Chile or Spain for the second spot. The Chileans can’t be too happy about that one.

4. Positioning is everything…

One of the reasons Spain can ill afford to finish second in Group H is because the group is paired with Group G, better known as the Group of Death. That means a second-place finish would match them up in the Round of 16 against the winners of G, most likely the Brazilians. Win that, and a matchup against the Netherlands awaits in the quarterfinals. That’s two top-five teams in the world before they would even reach the semifinals.

Meanwhile, whichever team wins group A will get the runner-up from Group B (and really, it could be any of Greece/South Korea/Nigeria), none of whom are overly impressive. That would be followed by a match against the Group C winner, which is no longer guaranteed to be England. Two different roads, one much easier than the other.

5. Brazil-Ivory Coast could be the game of the tournament so far...

The World Cup had a rarely uneventful first slate, but that’s changed with a lot of the games opening up more in the attacking third. In the past two days, we’ve seen a thrilling 3-2 win by the United States over Slovenia 2-2 draw between USA and Slovenia (Thanks, Mali!), followed up by an incredible back-and-forth match between Cameroon and Denmark, with the Danes actually managing to put their goals in the correct net this time.

The Brazil-Ivory Coast matchup is likely to continue this trend. Assuming Didier Drogba earns the start for this one, it will be a compelling battle and the Elephants could very well steal a win from the Brazilians. We still don’t know what form the South American champs are in after their shaky 2-1 win against North Korea last week. Even if it doesn’t live up to its much-anticipated billing, it will likely still appear stellar in comparison to the first two games of the day, both Group F matchups.

Five thoughts - "Kill the refs!" edition

Friday was a rough day for refs at the World Cup…

While the match officials have done a relatively good job so far in a World Cup largely bereft of controversial goals or expulsions, June 18^th won’t be forgotten anytime by fans of teams that have legitimate gripes in the area of officiating. Both Germany and USA (and even Serbia to a degree) were hampered by questionable decisions. The first match saw Alberto Mallenco dish out an astonishing nine yellow cards, including two in the first 35 minutes to Miroslav Klose, causing the Bayern Munich star to be sent off. One minute later, the Serbians found the back of the net to produce the shock 1-0 result.

Meanwhile, the Americans suffered a true World Cup travesty when an indefensible foul call resulted in the game-winning goal from substitute Maurice Edu being disallowed. Even worse was Koman Coulibaly’s utter refusal to explain his decision after the match. That the Malian ref was working his first-ever World Cup match was bad enough, but why would he even be put in that position when coming from a country so bereft of top-flight soccer matches? It only served to highlight the absurdity of the fact that not a single American referee was selected for the World Cup. Meanwhile, FIFA selected refs from Uzbekistan, Mali, Malaysia, and Seychelles. Good luck figuring that one out.

Two big countries are now in danger of not advancing…

Germany and England, two countries widely thought to be contenders to advance to at least the semifinals, if not further, are on the brink after two devastating results today. The Three Lions opened their account only four minutes into their Cup opener against USA, but have yet to repeat that feat in the subsequent 176 minutes of play. The seemed lost at times against a vastly inferior Algeria squad, but can be thankful they avoided a humiliating loss that a fluke goal concession would have provided. A win still advances them to the Round of 16, but they’ll need goals because a loss or tie against Slovenia couple with an American win will send them packing their bags to an outraged homeland.

The German predicament is only hypothetical at the moment, but becomes very real if Ghana grabs the full three points against the novice-looking Australians. The Socceroos look even more hapless now considering the team that beat them 4-0 in the opener failed to score in its next match. If Ghana gets to six points they’re almost sure to advance, leaving Germany to fight it out for the last spot with a Serbia squad which they gifted three points today.

Netherlands need to take it up a notch in game two…

The Dutch were considered one of the favorites heading into the tournament and take that mantle for themselves with a convincing win Saturday morning. They looked disjointed for large portions of their first match and only found their first goal when the Danes put it in their own net. The 2-0 scoreline was adequate, but nothing more. A win against Japan puts them in the driver’s seat in Group E, while a loss could relegate Oranje to second status in the group stage.

USA can’t keep playing from behind…

The ineptitude of the Yanks in the opening minutes of big games has become a joke, but it’ll be no laughing matter if it happens against Algeria. They’ve not made it 15 minutes without conceding a goal in this tourney, and a similar pattern exists from past matches. If they get down 1-0 to Algeria it might spell trouble, especially if England defeats Slovenia. Luckily, the Desert Foxes have yet to find the back of the net in either of their games.

Australia might get rocked in its final two games…

The Socceroos will be playing without star (and only capable player on the squad) Tim Cahill, whose dismissal in their opener leaves him suspended for the Ghana match. With Germany’s loss creating an opening in Group D, both Ghana and Serbia will be looking to take advantage by getting the full three against the Aussies. There will also be pressure to run up the score in order to match the Germans in goal differential. With the way Australia played in game one, it might not be too difficult a task.

Tru Warier

Ron Artest is a sociopath. This is something that is generally accepted and will not be debated.

Even if it were a debate, it would be a short one. Exhibit A: November 19, 2004 – better known as Malice in the Palace. I’ll not go back into the gory details of an event that effectively murdered my favorite basketball team, so let’s just say this: a fight broke out, and Ron Artest ended up in the stands, punching innocent people and raising hell.

I will never forget the look in his eyes. End of argument.

However, the fact that he holds the NBA record for longest non-drug-related suspension (86 games) and was convicted of assault for actions that took place on a basketball court have no bearing on his value as a basketball player. He’s always been crazy. He made it this far being crazy, and he’ll be crazy for the rest of his career.

Despite the fact that he’s fit for a straightjacket, he’s still managed an All-Star selection to go along with four years on the NBA’s All-Defensive team. He’ll never get the credit he deserves, though, mainly because he’s a sociopath who does things like confessing to drinking Hennessy during halftime of games earlier in his career. Lord only knows what secrets he chooses to keep to himself.

So when the Lakers, fresh off an NBA Championship in 2009, effectively swapped out Trevor Ariza for Ron Artest (although through free-agent signings, not a trade), it was met with the typical consternation and whining drivel typically reserved for Boston sportswriters, Keith Olbermann, or Fox News.

Why mess with something perfect in order to sign someone who once shaved Tru Warier into his head and asked his coach for an extended break from “work” because he was tired after promoting his album?

For game seven of the 2010 NBA Finals, that’s why.

No disrespect to Trevor Ariza. I’m sure he’s a nice, normal, well-adjusted member of society, but if you think the Lakers were winning that game (and, as a result, the series) with Trevor Ariza, you need to be locked up in whatever asylum houses Artest in the offseason.

Kobe Bryant shot 6-for-24. Artests 7-for-18 performance may not have been a masterpiece on any other night, but it looked like the Mona Lisa compared most of the stat lines in this atrocity of a game.

While Kobe was adding more bricks to the wall between he and Michael Jordan, Artest was making key shots, drawing key fouls, stealing passes, and basically finding all sorts of ways to kill the Celtics.

With the Lakers down 23-17 in the second quarter, he had this run of plays: offensive rebound, layup, defensive rebound, Gasol layup, steal, layup, offensive rebound, two-point shot, steal. Just like that, Los Angeles grabbed the lead. Later on, with the Celtics up three and fading fast in the fourth quarter, Artest converted a three-point play to tie the game for the first time since it was 29-29 – a score that came on an Artest three-pointer in the second quarter.

Of course, assuming he never kills anyone on the court, the play he’ll be remembered for came with exactly 1:00 left in the fourth quarter. Taking the ball after Rasheed Wallace drilled a three to cut the Lakers lead in half, Kobe found it in his heart to pass out of a double team to a wide open Artest, who promptly drilled a three-pointer that doubled the lead back to six – a margin that proved to difficult to overcome.

He lived for the moment, soaked it in. Blew kisses to the crowd.

Crazy? Yes.

Liability? Not when it mattered most.

Five thoughts - 6/17

A whole slew of thoughts on recent events in the World Cup... Hopefully this will develop into a daily feature.

1. A continent sees red…

Nigeria looked in complete control against Greece until a 33^rd minute red card was shown to midfielder Sani Kaita for one of the dumbest fouls you’ll ever see. The expulsion left the Super Eagles with only 10 men and shifted the momentum in favor of a country that had yet to score a goal in its entire World Cup history. Nigeria’s Vincent Enyeama was heroic between the pipes once again but couldn’t keep the ball out of the net as Greece won, 2-1.

The African hosts saw their Cup dreams shattered by a red card yesterday when goalie Itumeleng Khume was red-carded with South Africa already down 1-0 to Uruguay. The subsequent penalty kick made it 2-0 and left Bafana Bafana with almost no hope of advancing to the knockout stage.

Yet another African team had already seen a player sent off, as Algeria had been cut down to 10 men in its debut before conceding the game-winner to the Slovenians. While there’s no way of knowing exactly what caused each foul, it’s not unreasonable to suspect the pressure of playing on its home continent is wearing on the these teams.

2. Argentina looks much different than the squad that barely qualified…

After opening play with a 1-0 victory over an impressive Nigeria team and its seemingly invincible keeper, the Fighting Maradonas exploded for four goals against South Korea, essentially locking up their advancement. Lionel Messia remains goalless, but his fingerprints were all over the three goals scored by Gonzalo Higuain, who had open looks at the net in each instance.

It was a far cry from the side that needed wins in its last two games of World Cup qualifying to leapfrog in the standings an Ecuador team that faded late. They collected just eight wins in 18 matches and suffered the indignity of a 6-1 loss to Bolivia (perhaps the continent’s worst team) that had the world questioning how fit Maradona was to lead one of the world’s most talented rosters.

3. Scoring has opened up…

The first round of games were a soccer hater’s dream. Nine of the 16 matches were scoreless through the first half and 14 of the matches had two or fewer total goals. Blame was shifted from defensive tactics to the ball to the altitude, but whatever caused the draught in scoring seems to be gone for the time being. The first three games in the second go-round of group play has seen scores of 3-0, 4-1, and 2-1 – more 3 + goal games than the previous games combined.

4. Spain is in trouble…

La Furia Roja’s shock defeat at the hands of the Swiss is not a Cup-ender in terms of the immediate future, but it may leave Spain in a world of trouble down the road. If Spain advances out of the second spot in group H, they’ll potentially face Brazil in the Round of 16 and The Netherlands in the quarterfinals. Not exactly the lineup you’d prefer over the alternatives – a wounded Ivory Coast followed by an aging Italy.

5. USA cannot afford to lose…

Contrary to popular belief, the Slovenia game is not a must-win – just a can’t lose. A tie against Slovenia coupled with a win over (so-far) hapless Algeria and an England win over Slovenia would send the United States through to the Round of 16. A loss would be crippling at this point, however, because it would essentially guarantee Slovenia one of the two spots in the knockout stage, leaving England and USA to fight it out for the other spot.

Communists, Coups, and the Beautiful Game

Honduras bears the weight of a country; North Korea likes flying horses.

For me, the World Cup is just as much about who doesn’t belong as who does. This is not to say that any of the teams are undeserving, but a few were certainly shock qualifiers and/or infrequent visitors of the game’s biggest stage. (If anyone wants to make an argument for an undeserving squad, my vote goes to our dear hosts, who not only gained automatic entry while perched atop the throne of mediocrity with a FIFA World Ranking of 83, but also introduced to the world Vuvuzelas, those horns from Hell which will be hereupon referred to as The Scourge of the Earth.)

Regardless, there are two teams who are playing in only their second World Cup final – Honduras and North Korea. Since one played Tuesday afternoon and the other’s first match is only hours away, I felt it appropriate to comment on two teams whose stays may be short but still manage to offer compelling stories.

Honduras is a country that has endeared itself greatly to me. They play in CONCACAF, the same governing branch of FIFA as the United States, so we see them twice in each World Cup qualification. Much like Southerners often find themselves cheering for rival SEC conference teams come postseason play, I root for our fellow CONCACAF-ians in their battles against Europeans, South Americans, and the like. So there’s that. While I’ve never been to the country myself, I’ve had both a sibling and good friend go on mission trips to Honduras within the past few years. I understand the plight of the country, which, by all accounts, seems to be populated by good, hard-working, yet extremely unlucky people.

Los Catrachos qualified for the World Cup in 1982, getting drawn into the same group as host Spain. It was a quiet Cup, with two draws and a loss that saw them finish last in their group, only one point away from advancing. Any hopes of a repeat performance were soon dashed, as 1986, 1990, 1994, and 1998 passed without any appearances. 1998 did bring, however, the arrival of Hurricane Mitch, one of the most intense and destructive hurricanes on record. 5,000 people died, $3 billion of property was destroyed, and its president claimed the country’s progress had been set back 50 years. 2002, 2006 – no World Cup.

2010 World Cup qualification was looking promising, with the exception of the fact that it was taking place in the middle of a coup d’etat after Congress overthrew the president. Honduras needed a United States win or tie against Costa Rica to grab the third and final guaranteed CONCACAF spot. Down 2-0, the United States rallied. The stoppage-time equalizer came in the 94^th minute, and from the unlikeliest of sources – Jonathan Bornstein, a defender who is almost unquestionably the worst player to put on a USA uniform in South Africa and whose only apparent qualification seems to be having picked a position where his peers are simply equally if not more incompetent than he. That aside, he can now drink in Honduras for free. Forever.

In a nice twist, Honduras has drawn Spain’s group again. Doing so has made them prohibitive underdogs to advance to the knockout stage. You have to think, though, that nothing can faze them at this point. Not even losing to injury one of their most dangerous players, Carlo Costly, whose father played on the 1982 squad. I’ll certainly be rooting for them to achieve what many believe to be an impossible task.

That a country like Honduras would endear itself to me is something I expected. What I wasn’t expecting, however, was to find myself respecting, and even pulling for North Korea. No such history lesson for that bunch is necessary. Here’s all you need to know: they’re communist, they have nuclear weapons, they censor the shit (ha!) out of everything, and their diminutive “Dear Leader” Kim Jong-il claims to have shot 38-under par in his first-ever round of golf, a good 20-25 strokes better than any other human to ever play the game.

They’re actually ranked worse than the Fighting Vuvuzelas, coming in at 105^th in the world. Naturally, I assumed they qualified only due to the fact that, well, they have nuclear weapons. The only other year they qualified was in 1966, a time so far gone that the English team then weren’t choking dogs but instead World Champions.

So when they were drawn into the Group of Death, I was pleasantly surprised. Brazil, Portugal, and the Ivory Coast – two of the three highest-ranked teams in the world, and all three considered soccer powers on some level. As the logic goes, with goal differential being the top tiebreaker, each would need to pummel the North Koreans in order to advance. I was so looking forward to seeing them repeatedly mauled by Brazilian superstars that I even tweeted about it.

Unfortunately, the first half came and went. No goals. Nothing. I began to notice the Koreans fighting, challenging, playing for the win. They were outclassed for sure, but you couldn’t have known it from watching them. It forced me to hearken back to the 2004 Olympics, when I brazenly supported the Iraqi team not because of their government, but because they weren’t their government. Kim Jong-il may lead North Korea, but he doesn’t play for North Korea. They don’t represent or reflect the views of their government any more than our players do us.

And so I found myself cheering when, down 2-0, they found the back of the net against one of the world’s best defenses in the game’s final minutes.

I’ll be doing the same for Honduras.